How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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