My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
