I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dicks are not precious.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
