Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
