The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
