Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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