I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize