I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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