Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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