Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
