My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My vagina just clenched in fear
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
