Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
God I need to hump something, right now.
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