he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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