no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
