Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
