thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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