Don't you send me to vm
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
