i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
