dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i barfeds in our rink
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I want to be your penis for a week.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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