Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have fence marks all over my body
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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