I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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