I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
