So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
