so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
