These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
