I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
