ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
