guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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