Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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