Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Randomize