People in love make me want to vomit
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
