smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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