Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
