Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
