I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
