how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
