So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize