You can't motorboat a personality
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That accounts for only three of the penises
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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