just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
