Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
