I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
