You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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