Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
