LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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