If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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