You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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