Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
