I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
