i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
