And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
