Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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