maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
