I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
