I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
