Whod you bang
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
