Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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