What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
