I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
