So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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