I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't deserve a penis
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
