Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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