U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
youre lurking in front of me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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