I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Damn victory sex feels great
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