I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
