Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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