i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
