I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
