I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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