You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
