Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
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