I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
